Senza parole

A city I did not want to visit.

A wounded city, with panic and fear, sadness and anger. Anger at the terrorists, at the Belgian intelligence service, at foreigners altogether.

A city where you show solidarity by writing on the walls of your only monument. And yet, maybe 50 nationalities are standing there and lighting candles. Welcome to Brussels, capital of Europe, capital of jihad too. Where the police of a different commune had the address of the most wanted man for months but did not communicate it to the other office. Where terrorists order a big taxi for their suitcases full of explosives but the taxi company sends a too small one. Where they ask you to go at the airport 5 hours in advance for a 2 hour flights.

In other parts of the world controls are everywhere I am told. But we are in Europe, we built it on peace and solidarity, we cannot turn it into a war zone because different governments cannot get to work together. People do not want to give up their right to go for a beer with friends. Keep drinking your beer but police in the street, border checks, fear of the foreigner is a new normal which takes us back 100 years.

Scents

This morning smelled like a chilly winter morning in Strasbourg, where I was cycling and playing frisbee many years ago.

The hallway in my friends' apartment building smelled like that damn hospital room where I spent some sleepless nights, hoping to steal days to the inevitable.

A stranger at the bus stop had that smell of tobacco and musk I am trying to forget.

Today I am not where I though I would be, the smell of where I was stays.

Half-moon

Tonight my friends ordered half-moons for dinner at the usual Italian restaurant. And tonight that I feel no interest in sleeping, a half-moon rose at east, big, hazy and in the colour of amber.

I always loved the moon. I used to dream that from a little door hidden behind the sink in the bathroom of my childhood home, you could go directly to the moon. And it was peaceful and nice up there. It was never clear if there existed a way to go back to my bathroom but, in truth, in my dream there was no hint that I was even thinking of looking for a way back.

And then there are the memories of a splendid moon seen from a desert in the middle east, an implacable one during a sleepless night in a hospital, or a bright one shining through the window of someone who could have been special and never wanted to be.

But today there is no full moon. Today this is a half-moon, like this half-baked story, or this half-hearted message. Beautiful still. Fully beautiful, I dare to say. Rising and shining. And yet half. And so will she remain. For a while still.

Sitting on an unstable tabouret

At the end, not more than two months did spring last.

In some parts of the world (or is it just for some people?) it is not summer which comes after spring but a new winter. After hopes have been blossoming together with nature, everything froze again and disappointment is all the more bitter. And all the more compelling the question: will I be able to endure yet another winter?

Another hour, another day, another week slowly go by, swinging between the acknowledgment that the brightest memories of this out-of-season spring will stay with you and the frustration for not getting the reason why all this had to abruptly finish.
Hanging in the balance as if sitting on a too tall barstool.

In Place du Jeu de Balle a broken saxophone lies abandoned on a bed of old cutlery. Will someone who understands a sax ever get the idea of looking down, knowing it is just a cutlery stall? Who could ever think they all were just pieces of the same metal?

For a moment I wished I understood saxophones.
Now I wish someone understood we are not all the same piece of metal.

Calessi

A beautiful day, shining of light, smelling of summer.
A breathtaking sunset, red of desire, or of deep pain.
And then the moonless night came. Invincible darkness swallowed summer, desire and pain.

Was it real or was it a dream?
Was it life or was it a tale?
Was it true or was it a lie?

Was it love or was it a hackney cab?